I Expect My In-Laws to Pay If They Want to Come for Lunch

House chores can get really tiring, especially when someone has to clean up alone after hosting a lot of people. Holly, a Bright Side reader, is feeling frustrated because she’s overwhelmed with work after her in-laws visit on Sundays. Her husband isn’t supporting her either, so she asked us for advice.

This is Holly’s letter:

“us”? then you should compel your husband to also do the chores along with you especially on Sundays when his family visits, as his contribution and not to worn yourself out too much and to keep your family relationship happier too. Compel nicely 😉

Thanks for sharing your story with us, Holly! We’ve prepared some tips that we hope can be useful.

Establish clear boundaries and expectations.

Initiate a calm and open conversation with your husband and his family members. Express your feelings about the situation and the burden you feel after their visits. Acknowledge their past help in purchasing the house, but emphasize that the current issue revolves around the upkeep and cleanliness of the home.

Clearly outline what assistance or contributions you expect from them, whether it’s helping with cleaning, bringing prepared dishes, or even contributing financially to hire cleaning services.

Rotate hosting duties.

Propose a rotation system where different family members take turns hosting Sunday lunches. This way, the burden of cleaning and hosting duties is distributed among all family members, ensuring that no one feels overwhelmed or taken advantage of.

Suggest that each host takes responsibility for the cleanliness of their own home before and after the gathering, fostering a sense of shared responsibility and fairness among the family.

Seek external support.

If direct communication and negotiation with your husband and his family prove challenging, consider seeking external support from a mediator or counselor. A neutral third party can help facilitate productive discussions and assist in finding a mutually agreeable solution to the issue.

Additionally, discussing your feelings and concerns with a professional can provide you with valuable insights and strategies for navigating family dynamics and resolving conflicts effectively.

Relax, and don’t allow the stress to harm you.

Prioritize your own well-being by implementing self-care practices. Recognize that you have the right to set limits on what you are willing to tolerate in your own home, regardless of familial expectations or obligations.

Consider scheduling regular activities for yourself, whether it’s taking a relaxing bath, going for a walk, or spending time on hobbies that bring you joy. Remember that self-care is not selfish, but rather necessary for maintaining your overall well-being and happiness.

Navigating dynamics with in-laws can be challenging. Nadine, another Bright Side reader, recently sought advice after discovering that her in-laws invited the whole family for dinner but excluded her kids. Read her full story here.

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